Friday - 2/10/12
I'm at the bus stop. I rushed out of the house and all the way here, as normal, worrying about being late. One of these days I'm going to have to try leaving with enough time to mosey all the way to the bus stop. The gentleman that is normally waiting here with me isn't here. Did I miss the bus? Did his car finally get fixed? I know that if I miss this bus, I can catch the next bus and still make it to yoga class in time, but that way gets me there just barely on time, and gives me an extra mile to travel on the scooter. I'd rather catch the "right" bus!
I'm sitting on the bench My backpack and folded up scooter are both sitting next to me. I take up at least 1/2 of the bench with all my stuff! Here he comes, my fellow wait person. He is casually walking across the street with a cup of coffee in his hand. It's possible that I'm making the trip faster now, and could relax a little about it, since I'm obviously on time.
On the bus, I play a little bit of a facebook game, then post some ads for work (nice that I can do some work things from the bus). I've figured out that my phone doesn't always have a signal while I'm riding the bus (which would be why the blog I tried to post from it didn't post). So, I have to wait for the moments when I do have a connection to continue. Other than that, I'm listening to the book "Mystical Kabbalah." I'm really enjoying the book and finding it very nice to be able to sit and get quiet and centered while riding. I couldn't have done that if I was driving.
With an audio book I can listen while I'm riding the scooter too. I enjoy doing that, especially on the trip to and from the stop near my home, where there isn't much to see.
After yoga class (which was wonderful!) I ride my scooter to the library. I want to clear up the last of the issues caused my my having library materials out when my car stopped working. I'm asking them to credit me back about $7 of the fees, since I had called and explained the situation and the lady had renewed everything except one item. It turns out that the people at this library won't deal with this and I will have to call someone who is out for lunch right now. She doesn't even want to take my money for the rest of the balance, because of there still being an issue. How frustrating!
I head off to Avalon on my scooter. I find it curious that some places have sidewalks and some don't and some sidewalks stop part way down the street. I'll have to start researching sidewalks, and keep a list of the streets that have the best ones and the streets that don't have any, or have really bad ones (ones where there is a difference in height between sidewalk squares are really hard to use).
One of the things I'm realizing now is how easy it was for that brief, minor issue at the library to knock me out of my "calm, centered" space. Yes, it was all ridiculousness and frustrating, but why let it knock me for a loop? I had a morning of listening to a spiritual book, then teaching two yoga classes and this one tinsy issue managed to knock me out of the head / heart space that I'd like to live in. How funny!
At work, prospective tenant David showed up and signed a lease! Yay! I have two more units coming vacant this weekend, but I'm pretty sure I have people for at least one of those, if not both. So, I'm not feeling as much pressure about that as I would normally.
Last month, I had one of my friends call and tell me he was dropping me as a friend (on facebook and otherwise), not because of anything I had done (that's what he wanted to stress), but because he had treated me badly (pretty close to his words) and he was trying to move forward with honor and having me around reminded him of not having honor. At least that's what I got from the conversation. I'm still not totally sure how hurting someone by telling them they aren't your friend helps you move forward with honor, but I guess somehow it does. It hurt a lot, I realized that this person obviously didn't value me, what and who I am, and probably never had. It also hurt because he has been an instrumental person in my life and I certainly care for and value him.
Anyway, my phone just rang (while I'm at work) and it says it's him. I'm not at all sure I want to pick it up. After all I've been through, the pain and the hurt, I don't need him to come back into my world and cause more, but I do care. I answer the phone.... and it hung up. Now, I don't know if he was trying to call me and needing to talk and then decided that I didn't answer, or what. I end up sending him an email, just detailing that my phone had rung from him and then hung up.
He calls again. He says his butt accidentally dialed me and that he didn't know it had, until he got the email. I'm tense while we're talking. I don't want to get friendly. He asks how I am, I just say "fine." We hang up. There isn't anything else to say.
A half hour later, I still have internal pain and turmoil about all this. Having that contact, seeing his phone call, it brought a lot of the hurt back from a month ago. I send him an email asking him to take my number out of his phone. After all, if you are going to delete a friend, you should delete them from everywhere.
My friend Rose and I often have Friday nights at her place. She fixes us a salad and a little something else and we sit and watch a couple of movies or tv shows. She is into murder mysteries. So, normally we'll watch light murder mysteries (I won't do anything heavy blood or gore or murder). We haven't been able to do that since I parked my car. I wouldn't want to take the bus home after the movies, it would be too late. She has offered to drive me home tonight. That is SO sweet of her! I've been looking forward to going over to her place all week!
Sometimes Google Maps laughs at me. I tried to look at taking transit to her place and it just told me to walk, that she is too close for it to make sense to use transit.
Have you ever noticed how often the physical world mimics your mental world? Well, mine does anyway. I was riding my scooter over to Rose's place, still hurting from the "butt dial" incident.... and I didn't notice a difference in height in the sidewalk. Bang! I'm down on the sidewalk, on my knee. Now I have a skinned knee to go with my skinned up ego. How funny! Fortunately, it isn't too bad and I get to lick my mental wounds in quiet while sharing a nice evening with a friend.
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